New chapter in life

I can't recall when's the last time I actually updated my personal space but I'm back. I'm kinda busy with some stuff and getting tired of everything I'm handling now. A lot of things are on my mind right now and having mixed feelings for certain things.

So... I've got until October to start school. Waiting for my new job to start and plan to earn as much as possible because I think that its time I do something for myself and people around me. Been thinking what will happen in the future and what will I be facing soon. I'm scared that I can't handle what might be coming and what might be waiting for me in the near future. The fear I have within is beyond words.

J promoted smoothly to year 3 and having FYP this year. I can tell that he has been under a lot of stress lately and he has a lot on mind. I feel that I can't help him and reach out to him when he needs it. Although I'm there, the things I can help him is limited. For things that are physical, there's no problem with that but for things that ain't, I can't help at all. We have been going through a lot of things lately and all these have been stressing him out. I'm worried. Really worried that he can't handle all these stress within. I don't know how to open up to him. I'm not the type of person that can communicate well with someone. Especially those that I hold so dearly. All I can do is assure them that I will always be there and whenever they need me, I will never leave them alone and hanging. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever really succeed in anything... Until now.... NO. Ha. Things I'm really good at.... I don't know. Maybe... Comforting people or whatever but I don't really know if I did help them. Whatever the case is.... I just wanna be able to be really.... useful sometimes.

I don't have much confidence about myself actually. I know all the negative things about myself. But if you ask me about positive ones, I might need to take some time to answer your question. I'm not a very friendly person. If the first impression someone give me is negative, I will never be able to be friend with you no matter how hard you try. That's something bad about me. Everything is about first impression. Whereas for relationship, I prefer a long term one and I hope that the one I'm with will understand me. I also hope that we can communicate well cause communication is the key to a successful relationship.

Anyway... I really hope that we can pull through this tough year and I hope that we can stay strong together. Although there might be obstacles in the future, I strongly believe that we can face it together. So please have faith in me. ❤